When I saw his hungry wolf eyes, I was very afraid. A crippling fear … in that moment I realized that yesterday was my last day as a miss …today is too late …
After that he was smoking in peace. I would have liked to ask him what he felt, to tell him what I felt, what I have lived, to talk a while … about our own things. He suddenly changed.
– Can we leave, girl? And he took me home.
I had a talk with my mother; I told her … She didn’t seem surprised or contradicted, she just told me:
– You’ve done well! That’s how men are “caught”.
A week has passed, then another, he didn’t use to take me for a walk, he was coming only at night, to take what he needed, when he could, when not, he used to leave angry.
He also started to forget to take me at the fair on Saturday, fact that was noticed by all people. I had nothing to tell them. Why shouldn’t I go? Should I tell them that we were in a fight? Should I tell them what he’s doing to me every night? And that all day long I’m not good anymore?
Winter was coming; I could not wait for him anymore, by the road.
Three months have passed. Now, not only I was feeling something, but it started to be noticed. In one of “our nights” I told Josef I am pregnant.
– And, what should I do?
– You could take me!
– That I don’t know, girl, we will see about that!
These words were the hardest ones for me. He was calling me “girl”! He came for few times more, and after this at all.
Not only because of the cold weather but for the fact that I could not get with my belly in the village, I could not get outside.
One day a very amiable neighbor came to our place and told me that Josef will get married with “Ana Cucului”. Then I thought I will go out of my mind, she was my school mate, an old friend. That means she knew and… all the village knew.

Next day I went outside and set there until he got “up” with the car, so that he could tell me that what I heard was true …that I’m not good for him, after he “annoyed” me for all these years… he left me pregnant and now he marries other that he knows for a few months.
When the wedding with “Ana Cucului” took place I was in the eight month of pregnancy…
I raised my child the best way I could.
For every month on the payment day, Josef had arguments with his wife because of the child’s allowance. This is the poison of his love…
Josef has an illegitimate baby and a wife that proofed to be sterile …
“A man seeds a tree, raises a child and builds a home!” would resemble to someone.
– Very true, but I would like to go ahead to some problems of actuality or more from the society. In fact, what do I wish with all these? Now, that I am an old man, and I have heard and seen it all, I can give some terms of reference in this multitude of lies and incertitude that continuously spread and are up-to-date in here.
Earlier, a party leader was saying that the communism that in other places „harvested”, in her had any kind of base or influence. In fact it had no base because it didn’t „catch” the majority of the country’s population, the countrymen. They couldn’t be „illuminated”. The were forced, and they could not accept that and this happened because they had bases and any kind of changing at their bases it’s no good, in fact, it’s bad.
If someone gets to these people bases it’s not getting anything good from that, nothing good can get from there. This takes both for humans and for plants. Those that came to „waffled”, didn’t realize that in fact they were making a full of themselves in front of this countryman, the Romanian countryman that is aware of this simple fact, simple fact, that was certificated more than one time in ones life, for all history. Any philosophy can not change this truth, this axiom of the ancestral bases.
With the working men it was a lot easier. They haven’t had any bases, therefore they didn’t have any confidence and at least a decent life, a free life, each to be the master of his own and his own destiny.

In fact, before, the working men had any kind of certainty. In no circumstances assured salaries, a working place, as well, with no home of his own and any life certainty. More accurate: they were as a „leaf on the water”. At the lowest prove of appreciation or promise of better things, from wherever it came, they stick to it because it was their only way to the light (lets not forget about “Ilici’s” light), even if it weren’t like these … Why look behind: the misery from where they came was throwing them to something different. Now, these ones, the communists, promise something: a better living, a more human one … now when most don’t waste their time not even to address …them…people of misery, insignificant ants. The working men were considered the misery of their miserable world.
Raking up their high-minds, the promises they gave, the jobs they offered, in which they didn’t have to break their bones for a peace of bread, it didn’t just made them their faithful followers but at their own, started to get the best out of it knowing exactly that what they now have they won’t ever get, in their life. The new life, with so many goods, so flourishing, was not to neglect. That’s why they were devoted to this cause.
– Sorry to interrupt you, the citizen interfered, but a line of Bacovia from “The working man Serenade” comes like a premonition to what you are saying. I relate the first verse:
“I am a monster for you all
Taking off the edge of a wish for new times
That in your own world I hardly fit …
But soon I’ll hit you in your head!”
– This is how the person that greeted us was … that we earlier met, continued Tomas. After a course for efficiency of six months at the working place, he was moved up. He liked to talk a lot. Someone made him an U.T.C. secretary on the factory. He saw that things were working well and convinced of this fact he “flapped his mouth”. He also made a party school and in this way he became an U.T.C. prime secretary in Moldavia. What else he has done there he didn’t say, but we still found something more from his “activity” there.
He was in good books there, but he suffered because he couldn’t distinguish him self as much as he wanted. How should he do it?
If there were any “Number one enemies” or not in there he didn’t quite knew …The people from around there didn’t use to confess to him …Political acts he was doing enough. In the religious fast holidays he was the one to organize “the Thursday’s Youth” … It didn’t quite have a success for the young ones, but it was an ACTION …